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    Relationship

    Relationship – ETHOS HEALTH CARE

    Relationships are made in heaven but must be nurtured and enhanced on earth. You can do it.

    People have been always fascinated by human relationships and its impact on our life. The growth of human civilization and culture owe most to these. These relations form core of our life. Most successful people have credited success of their lives to their loved ones and close relations. People have termed relations as the biggest asset and beauty of their life. It is said that life and world looks beautiful if you have positive relations.

    Relationship is a dynamic process between two personalities. No relation can exist in isolation. It is always in close interaction with circumstances and even other relations of the two. Relations are anchors of life also called as shock absorbers of life. And why not, they give you stability, identity and hold you through rough patches of life. Relations are strong to support but delicate if taken for granted. Every relationship goes through highs and lows. It depends on how you they nurture the relationship.

    Types of relationships

    •  Family relationships
    • Marital relationship
    •  Friendship relationship
    •  Romantic relationship
    •  Live in relationship
    •  Ex relationship
    •  Distance relationship
    •  Cyber / Online / Internet / Chat relationship
    • Sexual relationship
    •  Homosexual gay or lesbian relationship
    •  Workplace relationship
    •  Official or Business relationship
    •  Social relationship
    •  Spiritual relationship

    Every relationship has unique chemistry depending on type of relationship and personalities of the persons involved. They further become complex by overlapping. Therefore, they require sensitive and mature nurturing. Biggest mistakes I have seen that people make in relationships and spoil them are:

    • Taking relations for granted
    •  Stereotype role-play
    •  Unrealistic expectations
    •  Poor communication
    • Poor prioritization

    It is not impossible to have positive relations. But yes, it requires desire and initiative on your part set things in order. Rest all is just a matter of Learn and Do. 

    Family

    Family is not just living under one roof. Family is the social unit of society. It is about oneness, about one’s identity, about one’s core beliefs & values, about one’s meaning & purpose of life, about one’s personality and about one’s happiness. It is closest to one’s being and has profound impact. It has mainly following relationships:

    •  Parent parent relationship
    •  Parent child relationship
    • Sibling relationship between brothers and sisters
    • Grand parents relationships
    •  Extended family relationships
    •  In-laws relationships
    •  Step mother step father step children relationships

    These relations overlap and influence each other. To add to complexities intra family dynamics are affected by interaction of family with other units. These dynamics are:

    Intra family dynamics – within the family

    Inter family dynamics – between one family and other

    Family school dynamics – between family and school

    Family society dynamics – between family and society 

    Common causes of family discords are:

    Rights versus responsibilities

    Role play discord

    Power disbalance

    Money matters

    Autonomy discords

    Eccentric behavior & habits

    Family culture & discipline

    Family norms & boundaries

    Addictions

    In-laws and extended family

    Interference from outside

    Why do relationships go sour and how to set them right

    Human beings are social. We cannot live in isolation. We need to have people around with whom we can connect, share emotions and feel that we belong to. This is true for everyone. We all want to feel wanted, loved and honored. We are also happy in giving the same to others. But then why do relationships go sour?  Relationships are said to be the first indicator of person’s happiness and quality of life. These can vary from close relationships like family and friends to colleagues, neighbors, business associates, acquaintances and even strangers.

    Healthy relationships are good for mental health & happiness. We want happiness and share this happiness with our loved ones. Then why do people feel so lonely today? Why do we get hurt or feel uncared by others? Why we are getting more and more isolated even after having many people around both in real and virtual life?

    Situation is painful but fortunately easy to understand and rectify. To understand one must understand the spectrum of relationships, its interdependence and interactions. Relationships go sour because we let them go sour. Relationships can be kept healthy by proper management. There are many factors which play crucial role in keeping relationships healthy.

    These are :

    Priority : One must be clear about priorities in relationships giving due space, time and involvement to each relationship. Be sure about who is important and how much. But one must make sure that this should not be defined by selfishness. Priority should be in fair proportion done with honesty and giving due importance to sense of responsibility.

    Roles : One must clarify the role one is required to be play in relationship. Whatever your role is be it parent, sibling, friend, boss or any other. See honestly, are you playing your role with sincerity or not? There is no harm in making a realistic self assessment and / or get feedback. Carefully watch complaints or situations which will give you fairly correct idea how you are doing. But be careful to be realistic as people’s expectations will run high. So must know how to have balance in life. This is possible if you can have balance of playing your role nicely on one hand and have the ability to say polite no to undue expectations.

    Expectation : One must have realistic expectations for healthy development of relationship. This is true for both expectations from yourself and from others. It is common to see guilt feeling if you try to overdo. In this case either you will have frustration or guilt. You may also feel used by others. Make fair assessment of own and others expectations and have a balance in life keeping in view your other priorities of life.

    Space : one must create sufficient self space and respect others space. Just like expectations, space must also be balanced. You must have your own space. Learn ways to maintain your space without getting harsh with others. Similarly respect others space and honor that if they resist your intrusion even if in your point of view that was ok.

    Independence: Interdependence is necessity of relationship but independence is necessary to keep relationships healthy. Just like financial independence, emotional and intellectual independence is necessary in every relationship. This will allow you to resist possessiveness and other negative traits.

    Values : Values like honesty and sincerity are crucial for healthy relationship. We wish to have honesty and sincerity from others but we fail to do same from our side. Our selfishness and greed does not allow us to be fair. How often we find excuses for our selfishness and justify it to our self or others. But when it comes to other person we get furious and ready to take revenge be it verbal or in deeds.

    Communication : Lack of proper communication is the cause of most relationship problems. All above factors will play role in your relationships and you are required to communicate. But most often we communicate in harsh or sarcastic manner. Our focus is on blames. We must learn how to communicate own point of view and similarly listen patiently other persons point of view. This is art. Learn the art of communication.

    Transformation : No relationship is static. They change with time. But unfortunately we do not understand the necessity of such transformation. Siblings or children share one kind of relationship before their marriage and different after. Some personality traits and temperament are likely to change. This does not mean that there is less affection after their marriage or they have changed. If one understands the transformation process then it would be easily to relate under new circumstances.

    Conflict resolution : Human beings think and act differently. But it is not necessary to allow these different ways to become conflicts. And even if they occur do not allow conflicts to linger on. Discuss and solve at earliest opportunity. One most important thing is to handle each other gently. Attack on the person is not the strategy. One should instead adopt solution oriented strategy.