Reasons why women indulge in extramarital sex

• They have been hurt repeatedly and totally lack trust.
• The desire for intimacy
• The boredom and desire for attention, to feel special and treated with respect
• When there is constant fight (Marital unhappiness).
• Want to get ahead in her career
• Sometimes as revenge on partner for his infidelity

Reasons why men indulge in extramarital sex

• Having sex with more than one woman is an ego boost for those with
  low self-esteem.
• Lack or poor communication with the spouse
• Their spouses might not be interested in sex.
• The woman’s sex drive isn’t what it was when they got married.

Harm it can cause

• Discord and break up in relationship
• Loss of self esteem
• Loss of reputation
• Risk of sexually transmitted diseases
• Risk of sex addiction

How to avoid extra marital sex

Relationship between men and women is delicate; it should be handled with care. Therefore, every man should take care of his woman’s feelings and vice-versa. Here are some little things you can do to avoid extra marital sex.

• Men should be faithful, kind, respectful, fun, romantic and considerate to woman.
• Try taking out time every week for just the two of you, to spend together.
• Stay in touch constantly, send romantic text-messages, emails, making gestures in appreciation of his or her efforts
• Be more fun and creative sexually.

Sex is as old as life. It has had its own journey through development of civilization. Its importance in life has remained unchanged but it has seen changes in perception, values and attitude.

The early life

In the early life sex was not linked to family or children nor was it linked to relationship or romanticism. Sex was just sex. With the rise of civilizations sex got linked to relationships, family and procreation. With time sex started to find place in art and literature. Most civilizations had deities of sex like Kama in Hinduism, Eros the Greek god and others.

The middle ages

The middle ages saw sex fighting for its place in society.  Purity, piety and morality questions surrounded sex and sexuality. Sex was under restrictions and control for ‘normal’ women. Invasions and wars had its toll on sex too. On the other hand prostitution began to flourish.

Sexual liberation

With industrialization began the new age in sex too. Women began to play active part in all walks of life. Many feminist groups began to voice their demands and slowly society realized and accepted. Sex was now seen as natural need and sexual pleasure as just demand of both men and women.

Modern times

Sex today has seen a complete revolution. It is not only a necessity but as essential element of developed personality and self expression. Sex has found new place in people’s day to day life, in art, in media, in literature, in social events, in movies, in humor, in phones and so on. Another aspect of this sexual freedom is rise of sex industry, pornography and sex tourism. All this has led to formulations of laws which vary country to country.

Incest is the sexual relationship between close family members and relatives.

Most of the societies do not approve of such sexual relations and thus they are seen in negative light and are taboos. These are prohibited by laws. There are some societies in which there are some relations seen but in almost all societies parent – child and sibling – sibling are absolutely unacceptable. The reasons are obvious as they are bad for religious purity, detrimental to family system and social order. In addition there are medical reasons as they can give rise to various genetic disorders.

Types of incest

1. Between adults and children
2. Between childhood siblings
3. Between consenting adults
4. Aunts, uncles, nieces or nephews
5. Between adult siblings
6. Cousin relationships
7. Incest defined through marriage
8. Inbreeding

Prevalence

Incest is more common than thought of. Common reasons why incest occurs are:

• Psychological disorder in some family member
• Disturbed family
• A way to assert power or importance
• Accidental due to earlier separation
• Some societies do not prohibit strongly or even accept some types
• Simple sexual reason

Effects of Incest

Commonly seen effects of incest are:

• Low self esteem
• Poor self development
• Poor socialization
• Isolation
• Lack of development of normal sexuality
• Legal complications
• Medical complications in case of pregnancy

There are various versions and one the popular and well known is Kama Sutra by Vatsayana. It is mainly in prose. Although it largely deals with sexual behavior but it is not merely a sex manual. It teaches the grace and virtue of love and pleasure. It talks about love in complete to make it in harmony with a meaningful life.

Vatsyayana’sKama Sutra has 1250 verses in 36 chapters.The contents of the book are structured into seven parts :

1. General remarks which deals with life in general, role of knowledge and the proper conduct.
2. Amorous advances and Sexual union deals with fore play and sex positions.
3. It deals with types of marriage and early approach in developing relationship.
4. It deals with duties and privileges of the wife
5. It deals with behavior of man and woman, man’s behavior in women’s company.
6. This is about being a lover.
7. Occult practices

Translations

The most widely known translations of the Kama Sutraare:

1. By Sir Richard Francis Burton BhagwanlalIndrajiin 1883.
2. By IndraSinha in 1980.
3. By Alain Danielou in 1994 into French and then English.
4. By Wendy Doniger and SudhirKakar in 2002.

On Internet

Most of the sexual tips and positions are available on internet but that is not what KamaShastra is all about. It is the complete philosophy and guides human beings how not to get entrapped and fall in this world of pleasure. It tells how to remain graceful and virtuous while enjoying pleasue and live a higher life.

Buddhism

• Aizen Myō-ō or Rāgarāja, a deity who transforms worldly lust into spiritual awakening; his red-skinned appearance represents suppressed lust and passion

Chinese mythology

• Yue-Lao, a god of love, who binds two people together with an invisible red string.
• Tu Er Shen, a deity who oversees the love between homosexual men.
• White Peony (Bai Mudan or Pai Mu-Tan), a goddess who tempts men, especially ascetics.

Egyptian mythology

• Bes, god of music, dance, and sexual pleasure
• Hathor, goddess of the sky, love, beauty, and music
• Bastet, goddess of felines, love, sexuality, protection, beauty, and dance

Greek mythology

• Aphrodite, goddess of love, lust and beauty.
• Philotes, personification of affection, sexual intercourse and friendship.
• Hera, goddess of marriage.
• The Erotes
  • Anteros, god of requited love.
  • Eros, god of love,sexual passion and naughty thoughts.
  • Himeros, god of sexual desire.
  • Hedylogos, god of sweet talk and flattery.
  • Hymen, god of weddings and bawdy wedding songs.
  • Pothos, god of sexual longing, yearning and desire.
• Peitho, personification of persuasion and seduction.

Germanic mythology

• Frigg, goddess of romance, marriage, sex and reproduction, married women, household duty, and divination.
• Freyja, goddess associated with magic, shamanism, seiðr, sacrifice, war, death, and sexuality.
• Freyr, worshipped as a phallic fertility god, he was said to “[bestow] peace and pleasure on mortals”
• Sjöfn, goddess associated with love

Roman mythology

• Cupid, the Roman equivalent of the Greek god Eros
• Venus, the Roman equivalent of the Greek goddess Aphrodite
• Suadela, the Roman equivalent of the Greek goddess Peitho

Hindu mythology

• Kamadeva or Manmadhan or Kama, god of love
• Rati, goddess of passion and lust
• Maithuna, the sexual union
• The sexual and spiritual union of Shiva and Shakti love, the creative force and gave birth to the universe.

Societies too differ in their approach.

1. Complete prohibition –  Both sex workers and clients are seen as immoral and criminals.
2. Rejection –  Not complete prohibition but discouraged by controlling sex related commercial activities.
3. Human Rights Violation –  This approach sees sex workers as victims of human rights violation. Clients and pimps are dealt with. Many countries have organizations to look after rights and welfare of sex workers.
4. Way out – Some groups neither support nor are against. They offer guidance and support to give a way out of sex industry.
5. Decriminalization –  No strict laws against it are required but it is not accepted or recognized legally.
6. Acceptance –  It is considered as legitimate business and is regularized. It helps in making regular mandatory health checks.

Social Problems of Sex Industry

These are following:

Sex for Survival

When the sex worker is driven to it for basic necessities of life such as food or shelter it is Sex for Survival. This is one of the basic reasons which drives people into this industry although to other side luxury too drives people into it. This is debatable issue as some people call it mere excuse.

Exploitation

Many kinds are exploitations are encountered in sex industry like sexual exploitation of children, human trafficking, sexual slavery, violence, drug dealing, illegal immigration etc.

Children in Sex Industry

One of the most disturbing issues is use of children in sex industry. It is found that such children are even given steroids and other drugs to make them look older. It is estimated that about 40% of sex workers are children. This leads to medical and psychological disorders in such children. Most countries have strict laws to prohibit use of children in sex industry but still it is said to be much in prevalence.

Violence

Sex workers are at higher risk of violence and other crimes against them. Unfortunately most of such cases are either covered up or they do not have support system to protect. Illegal money and passion makes the industry vulnerable to crimes.

Health problems

Many health problems are reported in sex industry. Spread of STD and HIV is a major concern. There are also concerns related to psychological impact and commonly seen are low self esteem, anxiety and depression.

Types of Sex Workers

• Street sex workers
• Brothels
• Escorts
• Bar sex workers
• Internet or cyber sex workers
• Phone sex workers
• Sex tourism

Causes of premarital sex without commitment

• Glam sex on television, film, radio and video have contributed to the high rate of premarital sex.
• Many youths have engaged themselves in premarital sex as a result of curiosity.
• Pressure from friends, peer group, boss, future partners
• Lack of discipline has led many singles into the dungeon of premarital sex.
• Lack of good sex education has led many youth into premarital sex

Effects of premarital sex

Though not by everyone but some people may experience:

• It leads to the misconception that sex is to be enjoyed at whatever ways possible
• Broken relationships
• It leads to dilemma.
• Emotional imbalances and guilt feeling
• There is also a risk of an unplanned pregnancy
• Possible exchange of diseases as partners may not be aware of diseases that spread through intercourses
• Premarital sex is one of the major causes of divorce.

How to prevent premarital sex without commitment

Modern lifestyle has opened multiple opportunities for boys and girls to interact closely and deeply in public and private. The most effective way of defending such lovemaking is spreading awareness of healthy sexuality among children. Train them to mingle with opposite sex in a mature way. Inspire them with mutual respect between man and woman. From the very childhood one should learn to accept people as men and women, the equal partners of life on earth; not as objects to fulfill lusty wishes and ambitions.

A criminal mind can range from hard core criminal may be having a base in brain chemistry to other extreme of ‘normal’ individuals. There are three basic factors that make a ‘criminal mind’
– An unrestricted or uncontrollable impulse
– Lack of sensitivity to other’s rights and suffering
– Fear (of law, loss of reputation etc) is either undeveloped, gets transiently overwhelmed or is assessed to be taken care.

What instigates a person to commit a crime, psychologically ?
Three kinds
– Impulsive – In this sudden impulse like lust, greed or anger overwhelms the other mental faculties.
– Planned – In this the person calculates the gain versus danger and when gains weigh heavier, the plan is executed.
– Repetitive – In this initial success acts as instigation for repeated and bigger crimes.

How a criminal’s mind different from normal mind, socially and psychologically?
– Perceived feeling of being deprived
– Perceived feeling of being unsuccessful
– Perceived feeling of inability of meeting the desired goal in socially appropriate manner
– Perceived feeling of ‘correctness’ of self need
It is important to understand that the social and psychological factors are more ‘felt’ than actual. That is why not every person who is deprived becomes a criminal and on other hand those with plenty may turn to crime.

What is Antisocial Personality disorder?
It is the development of the person’s personality in such a way that he or she does not learn socially appropriate skills and behaviour patterns which are based on respecting others rights and feelings. There is aggression, lack of guilt, lack of tolerance of frustration causing disregard for social values and norms.

As the Juvenile Cases are increasing day by day, it’s the media or parenting responsible for this?
Not two but three. Media, Parenting and society.Media because it provides unhealthy stimulus to young minds. Parenting is the main cause because they are in direct contact and have the responsibility of shaping personality of the child. And society because it has failed to provide a healthy platform for young minds to develop and has proved a good breeding ground for crimes.

What is the set of mind of Juvenile criminals? How they can be taken out from such situations?
Mindset of juvenile criminals is characterized by two prominent factors – high impulsiveness and incomplete social maturity. Every society expects or sets a particular age by which social maturity is attained. Juvenile criminals are like those drivers who drive without learning how to drive, accidents are but natural. To pull them out of that situation a holistic program is required which deals with their circumstances, their correct social learning and their personality development.

Do juvenile homes help in reforming a young criminal mind?
Pathetic. They are not causing reforms but in fact pushing them down further. Basic reason is that they are just ‘kept’ there. Who is concerned with reforms and development? On top of it the abuses in juvenile homes complete the deforms.

What is the psychology of society about crime against women from your point of view?
There has always remained one section of society for which women are ‘lesser beings’. For these women have limited capabilities, limited roles, should stay within prescribed ‘boundaries’ and should serve higher beings ‘men’. In present time this is visible in words and deeds of people. It is this psyche which directly or indirectly encourages crime against women and puts the blame of crime against women on victim itself.

Why the numbers of people getting involved in heinous crimes are are increasing day by day?
People today are becoming more and more vulnerable to crime. The checks against crimes are three – Legal, Social and Religious. Unfortunately all three are falling down. This paves way to breaks the psychological barrier against crime.

Reasons are following:
– Psychological loneliness, lack of backup or support system
– Changing priorities due to changing value system
– Poor Emotional Quotient EQ and Social Quotient SQ
– Lack of fear

Why there are increasing sexual crimes ?
The basic factor is the women are perceived as weak, vulnerable with no voice and nowhere to go. The perception that they cannot and will not raise complaint and even if they do nothing is going to happen motivates for such crimes.

What is the difference between a Psychopath and Sociopath?
Although debated in terms of inborn versus environmental, the basic difference is that a psychopath has locus of disorder in temperaments (poor EQ) leading to social disorder (poor SQ) whereas a sociopath has social disorder as locus leading to temperamental disorder.

Why women and minor girls are made target often? Is there anything on part of women that invites a crime? What is psychology of women that time?
Like said earlier, women are perceived as weak, vulnerable with no voice and nowhere to go. They are easy prey. Women cannot be held accountable for inviting crimes. Only thing they can do is observation of caution that can reduce the risk of such crimes. A victim goes through many traumatic emotions like shock, feeling of insecurity, helplessness, inability to trust, embarrassment, guilt, shame, anger and others.

These days as we are seeing the crime against minors are increasing, why there is such mentality among people, who are committing such brutal crimes? Is there any psychological explanation to this act? Why and how a person of 21 or 60 years of age gets fascinated to kid of 4 or 6 years of age?
No one can be easier prey than minors. All factors which ‘encourages’ crime in general becomes more prominent in cases of minors. Small kids offer least resistance and threat. In certain crimes they do not even know what has happened to them. And this is what such criminals are looking for. Their minds are working on only one principle – pleasure and pain. Their minds know that with older people they are in risk of resistance and retaliation which is painful for them. Even the feeling of being judged as bad person is painful. So their minds are trained to search for soft targets which offer no pain.

Is there is any solution to these kind of criminal instincts among people in society?
There is always some solution available provided they are applied sincerely. These are basically of two types:
1. Corrective – More at individual level by providing treatment and therapy to such individuals.
2. Preventive – More at society level – Identification of early offenders, not shielding offenders in family, correct parenting, media guidelines, positive personality development at schools etc.

How a person can judge criminal instinct within oneself?
Once a person has reached such advanced stage, self assessment on their own cannot be expected. But it is possible to develop such assessment with proper therapy and rehabilitation. It is better to nip the fire in bud in early offenders.

Does policing plays an important role in reforming criminals when they are convicted and sent to jail?
Police has very crucial role. They must be trained to deal with different kind of criminals in a way that can help in long term reform. In addition once in jail, such people must receive support in the form of therapy and rehabilitation.

How alcohol and crime is connected to each other?
This is not direct but complex relationship. Every criminal does not drink and every drinker does not commit crime. The one possibility is those with antisocial or criminal temperament are also driven to alcohol or they seek refuge in alcohol. Secondly alcohol can indirectly increase crime by affecting mental faculties like perception as well as by causing disinhibition.

What is the way out from this crime world, if it’s possible?
Yes, very much possible.
1. There must be a strong desire and will in those who are leading society – politicians, religious leaders, celebrities, heads of organizations etc. They must be good role models themselves and must be accountable to nurture the environment of crime free society.
2. Society and family must uphold value system. Unfortunately in today’s world the difference between right and wrong are getting blurred. This leads to breaking down of the psychological barriers in people’s mind to resist from erring in the zone of wrong.
3. Parenting must be meaningful. Every couple must undergo marriage counselling and parenting classes. This will prevent unhealthy family atmosphere that breeds criminal tendencies. No one should be left isolated.
4. Value based education in schools. Teachers must be trained to handle children in wholesome positive and constructive manner. Guides and counsellors must supervise personality development of every child. Early offenders must receive special attention.
5. Crime prevention guidelines and training.
6. Effective governance with better laws and their implementation.
7. Reform and rehabilitation of offenders.

• Physical force
• Coercion
• Generating fear
• Abuse of authority
• Abuse of trust
• On unconscious or not in full senses
• Person with mental disorder
• Person below age of consent

Types of rapes

• Acquaintance rape
• Child sex abuse
• Office rape
• Date rape
• Gang rape
• Family rape
• Marital rape
• Institution rape like Prison rape
• Human conflict rape like Riot rape and War rape

Sexual Assault

Rape is one type of sexual assault. Any kind of physical sexual activity by body part or object against a person without consent is termed as sexual assault.

Marital rape

A rape of spouse is called marital rape. Being in marriage does not mean that a person (spouse) can be forced for sex. In many countries it is still treated as a type of domestic violence. They even justify it as right of husband. The basic fact remains the supremacy of man over woman. Do women have right over their body, can they decide whether they want sex or not? If man and woman are equal, then it should be honored that both man and woman both can say yes or no to sex.

What motivates rape:

Some of the commonly seen motives are:

• Anger
• Desire for power
• Accomplishment
• Sadism
• Sexual gratification
• To prove a point

Effects on victims

There are pronounced effects on the victim. Some are:

• Trauma and shock
• Acute stress disorder
• Disruption of mental functioning
• Disruption of physical functioning
• Disruption of social functioning
• Various emotions like anxiety, anger, depression, fear, denial, guilt etc.
• Negative thoughts and nightmares
• Avoidance of people, place, activities
• Deterioration in personality and life
• Unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases

Blaming the victim

In many societies it is not uncommon to see the victim being blamed for rape. Their behavior or dressing is often said to be the reason behind. This is another display of male dominated society. In another form a rape can be simplified as forced sex which women want and enjoy.

Post rape trauma

It is common for victims to undergo post rape add on trauma. This can be:

• Harassment by assaulter or his friends, relatives
• Harassment by even own people
• Threat to keep quiet
• Taking photographs or making film
• Threat of distribution or putting them on internet
• Blackmailing
• Repeated rape
• Forced marriage with assaulter
• Rejection by society
• On extreme, honor killing

Legal aspect

Rape is most under reported crime. Reasons are many – social shame, disgrace of family, fear of assaulter, fear of police, lack of trust on legal system. Early reporting is crucial from both legal and medical point of view. It helps in evidence collection, correct information, catching the culprit, investigation of scene of crime etc. But inspite of all efforts, the conviction rate is still low.

Prevention of rapes

Some of the preventive measures can be:

• Better investigative and legal system
• Better vigilance and security
• Sex education and moral education
• Self defense training of girls and women
• Support groups

Male and female is natural expression of existence. The two forms complements and attracts each other. There are various forms of this attraction – friendship, relationship, love and sex too. The union and the completeness of sex are as natural and sacred as is love. But to attain this completeness, one must understand sex beyond the game of pleasure of senses.

Sex has unique space and place. It naturally forms significant aspect of human existence. It can affect:

• The very existence
• Self identity
• Gender identity
• Ability to love
• Ability to form intimate relationship
• Ability of procreation
• Self discipline
• Respect for human values
• Spiritual awakening

Sex is not erotic exercise. It is like nuclear energy. It can devastate like nuclear bomb or create nuclear energy for development. The real essence of sex is union.  The union of natural energy in male and female occurs to nurture each other and possibly invite third energy as child. The state of energy completeness and harmony this union creates has tremendous beneficial impact on both. This has been proved through research that good sex leads to many mental and physical benefits.

Sex results in comprehensive activation of mind. Both male and female reach the state of heightened consciousness, a sort of deep meditative state. This is the reason sex involves union of bodies, mind, heart and soul. It creates harmony in self and in relationship. The two get into sync. Both male and female attains more completeness and energized to move higher.Once attained, one can use these energies for higher purpose like creativity, knowledge and welfare. This is the path to convert sexual energy into creation. Sex can thus form a link of harmony between spiritual and material world.And this leads to internal contentment, better discipline, higher consciousness and freedom from desires which is not seen in lust based sex. This is the state of Nirvana.

Sex in dating plays an integral part in our lives and compatibility in sex is very important for couples to sustain relationship in the long run. People date for many different reasons, and dating for sex is something many guys like to do in order to satisfy their lust.

Dating and sex seem to go hand in hand. At some point, sex becomes an issue in any new dating relationship; it’s really just a question of when. Should you or shouldn’t you? Everyone seems to have an opinion, from doctors and psychologists, to parents and clergy, to friends and passersby. But the only two people in the world who know when the time is right are the two people who are dating, and even then the decision is still a tricky one.

Everyone who dates will have to make his or her own decision about dating and sex. One should always make sure he or she knows everything they need to know and always take their partner’s feelings into consideration as well. One should always protect his or her emotions as well as their bodies. If a couple does decide to embark on a sexual relationship, use common sense and protect “you”. Using a condom is an effective way to ward off most sexually transmitted diseases. Really getting to know a partner and getting tested beforehand together will ease a lot of worries and discover health issues unseen by the naked eye. Always practicing safe sex should not be ignored; not only is it smart, it could save your life.

When two people have sex for the first time the anticipation and the excitement is mind bogging and sometimes in this state the mind and the body do not coordinate with each other properly and the result is disappointment. Therefore expectation of the first encounter should be natural. There should be open communication between the two so that there is understanding and warmth between the two. The act of sex need not be vigorous but should be satisfying and loving. The sex act should have the ingredients that will spell satisfaction and ever lasting togetherness.

Purpose of sex in marriage

• Sex is the expression of love to one’s spouse.The highest and the best way to express your love to each other is by having sex.
• Sex is a great way of sharing and caring.It touches the body, soul and the spirit.
• Sex can be used as a tool of recreation and relaxation. Long foreplay, massaging, hugging and kissing are all ways to relax with one’s spouse
• The fun you share in sex like playing, learning about one another, sometimes making mistakes and laughing at ourselves is bonding you together as well
• Sex can serve as a tool of preservation of your marriage.
• Sex can be a happy ending to some quarrels, though it is not a substitute for discussing the issue.
• Sex is for procreation and helps in welcoming children in our life.

Sexual relationship is a way of knowing each other intimately, deeply and personally. The man knows the woman through the act and likewise the woman. The sexual experience is more about trust and a willingness to be open with your partner, allowing you to be both aroused and relaxed if you want a better sex in marriage. So, Sex can keep your marriage strong.

Infidelity

Or sex outside marriage

For some it is unthinkable others say why to even think about this as an issue. People may have sex outside marriage for their own reasons:

• Just fun
• No commitment required
• Feeling and expressing passionate again
• For sake of new relationship
• Some worldly gains like money or favors
• For getting pregnant

Consequences of extramarital sex

• Sexually transmitted disease (STD)

• Unwanted pregnancy

• Stress. guilt or regret due to realization of cheating on partner

• Loss of self confidence and self esteem

• Repeated affairs and sex addiction

• Loss of relationship and family

• Damage to work or studies

• Loss of social reputation

• Emotional conflict and past memories leading to no stable relationship

• So what is the solution, what is the truth?
• Are they really exclusive to each other?
• Is sex detrimental to spiritual growth?
• Can one choose both?

Sexual energy is the natural creative energy. It can create a good physical body, positive mindset healthy emotions and spiritual enlightenment. And the same is the creation of spiritual growth. So where is the conflict?

Both are extremely powerful pathways. Both need a great deal of management to progress. The spiritual path has many gurus and guides who can tell you how to progress stepwise but the sex has guides in limited sense like therapist who can help you to be good in sexuality but can not tell you how to sublime and create harmony between sex and spirituality. Although one can say that Tantric Sex is such attempt, unfortunately this too has fallen short due to poor understanding of concept.

Freud said that one can sublime sexual energy into higher purpose like art and spirituality. According to psychologist Erich Fromm, anxiety of being separate and alone can be overcome by awareness of union during sex.

The main problem is the conflict that arise due to –

• A natural and intense desire for sex which if suppressed or expressed in unharmonious way can lead to a state of destructiveness.
• A natural and intense as well as ideal state of spiritual realization.
• Sex termed as something which is addictive and can ‘spoil’ purity of soul
• ‘Purity’ is must for spiritual realization

The result is conflict and negative emotions like guilt or shame. People are driven towards both and end lacking in both.

This gives us three common paths followed by people.

1. Those who prefer spiritual path. They believe in purity, sets ‘high goals’ and recommend celibacy or brahmcharya and absence from sex in mind speech and deeds to attain these goals.
2. Those who get ‘tempted’ towards sex. They are driven to sex but generate incompleteness or negative self esteem and other negative emotions. Even those who advocate ‘free sex’ admit that this is not complete.
3. Third group which try to balance. They follow religious or spiritual path and keep sex within moral standards like marriage. Unfortunately most such people feel that they are inadequate in both. They too face conflict if their partner shift focus to one or the other path. Then there is Tantric Sex and gurus like Osho who gives different versions of this middle path.

The debate is going on and is never ending. And the human beings are caught in between.  There are contradictions and no one is sure what is the real and must be followed. For example the ancient Indian wisdom teaches about spirituality and celibacy on one hand and KamaShastra on the other hand. If one path is real good than other then why it is not accepted by all. Is it true that you have to go to extremes of complete celibacy or indulgence as in Tantra to achieve Nirvana? What does God want us to do ?

Few things can be realized:

• It is individual choice to follow any path, be it abstinence or indulgence or the middle path. But one must follow it without any prejudice or feeling of superiority or inferiority over other. There is no better or higher path.
• One should follow the system carefully and systematically to attain consistent growth as well as live a happy life.
• One should feel free to change the path if needed so but not in impulsive or abrupt manner.
• One should be free from superiority complex of spiritual path as well as free from negative emotions like shame, guilt etc if following the path of indulgence. On any path, one should be free from impulsiveness and compulsiveness.
• One should understand that the two – spirituality and sexuality are not contradictory but are forms of expression of cosmic energy. There can be complete harmony and complementary relationship between the two.
• The basic truth of both sexuality and spirituality is freedom and union. Both are the ways of evolution and freedom from narrow minded selfishness of body, mind and soul to grow higher love, higher consciousness and union.
• Since most humans wish to follow a middle path, they can have their individual proportion of two to remain free from negative emotions of shame and guilt, enjoy life, let the cosmic energy evolve to shape a better physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual being.

Sex is a physical capacity, but its exercise is determined by man’s mind—by his choice of values, held consciously or subconsciously. To a rational man, sex is an expression of self-esteem, a celebration of himself and of existence. To the man who lacks self-esteem, sex is an attempt to fake it, to acquire its momentary illusion.

Important sex values

• Sex is important but not only goal of life. Give due importance to all aspects of life. You are not born just for sex. Value your other qualities as well and develop a wholesome successful mature personality.
• Practice safety. You should value the safety of you and your partner. Refrain from any obviously harmful acts. If you discover something to be unsafe, then stop using it or performing it.
• Respect your partner’s needs, condition, wish and objections. View your partner as a human being not as object of pleasure. Do not impose yourself on other person. You should take the time and make the effort to learn variety. Giving pleasure is a better way of achieving sexual satisfaction.
• Develop yourself as a person with sex discipline and sexually responsible. Do not take undue advantage of others vulnerability using your influence, force, money or favors.
• Respect children and elders. Do not act in any manner that can be uncomfortable for them.
• Respect society and culture. There are people of different traditions and values. Avoid public display of sex and such behavior.

People differ in their behavior and lifestyle. This is more pronounced if there are cultural and religious differences. Same is true for sexual behavior. Something that is obvious in one culture may be considered as very bad in other culture. It is necessary for such couples to discuss openly about their sexual learning and values. Once they understand each other, they can either come close or accept to be different. For example in one culture women might be expected to play a dormant role in sex while in other it might be taken as lack of interest in sex.

The common sexual behavior patterns around the world:

The first encounter

The age of first encounter has decreased over last few decades. Among nations, countries of Asia and Latin America start late than Africa, Europe and North America. But even this difference is leveling off with time. Sex below 16 is not uncommon now.

Frequency

On an average people in North America and Europe have sex about 120 – 140 times a year whereas it is 60 – 80 in Asia.

Sexual orientation

It is said that 3 – 4 % of males and 2 % females have homosexual orientation. Around the world there is big difference in acceptance of sexual orientation ranging from complete acceptance to death penalty.

Dating

The average age of start of dating is about 12 – 14 years in Europe and North America. It is higher in other parts.

Marriage

About 60% couples have had the arranged marriage. Age of permission to marriage is low in countries like Chile and Paraguay than in India and China. The married couples are more likely to have sex than unmarried. People are getting married late and therefore premarital sex is rising.

Multiple partners

Europe and North America has high percentage of people with multiple partners than in other parts.

Sexual Aggression

It is said that females from New Zealand, Iceland are most aggressive when it comes to sex.

Sex awareness

Around the world friends, TV and books have remained the major source of learning about sex. Recently internet is replacing them as major source of both ‘good’ and ‘bad’ knowledge. With internet in mobiles, sex is in pocket of everyone.

Pornography, Prostitution and Sex crimes

With internet in place pornography has become widespread. On one hand people have become more liberal and on the other hand it is said that this leads to rise in prostitution and sex related crimes. Different countries have different levels of censorship. This has remained and will remain a highly controversial issue.

Religion and sex

It is said that the laws of a country against sexual liberty are directly proportional to religious conservativeness.

Any artistic work that displays sexuality or gives erotic or sensual arousal is caller Erotic or Sex Art. They may be photographs, paintings, drawings, sculptures, engravings etc. Sex art is different from pornography which does not have elements of art.

Ancient civilizations have many such examples in the form of carvings, paintings or pottery. Greeks had sexual scenes on ceramics. There are sexual paintings on walls of old Roman buildings and famous Khajuraho caves in India. Kama Shastra and Kama Sutra are famous sex manuals from ancient India. Painters from around the world have worked on nude art. Later erotic photography became more popular.

Sex art is a debatable topic. Some call it aesthetic and depiction of beauty whereas others call it obscene. Art for one is obscenity for other. Those working on sex art use nude body to express human qualities and emotions. They can also be used to express social problems and life. Modern art also has ventured into the genre. At times sex art is used to send a message like in case of rape and sexual harassment.

Controversy has progressed with sex art going into performing art where live models are used to depict are. It even involves people in close contact. As said before, this has evoked strong reactions and criticism. The world continues….

Sex is everywhere. It is widely used as itself and also as promoting agent. Without arguments, it attracts attention and viewership. So people are happy to claim – Nothing sells like sex. It can be seen in:

• Print media
• Radio
• TV
• Movies
• Commercials (ads)
• Internet

Sex in movies

Society has always done both – demanded sex in movies and reacted sharply when it occurs. The demand motivates film makers to show more and the reactions lead to setting up of censor board and controls. But the task is not easy. Nudity and sex in movies is loved by masses due to movie’s larger than life appeal. People love to see their stars in action even when it comes to sex.

Censorship differs from country to country. But one thing is common. Every country and society has a threshold of display of nudity and sex beyond which it becomes just too much. This threshold is not static and changes with time. And this change is not necessarily towards more sex, it can be away from it as well. Censorship can be affected by various influences like political, religious, activists and public opinion.

There is a counter opinion as well. Some people favor less control as they believe films are part of art, creativity and freedom of expression gets affected if they are controlled. Society too displays more tolerance especially when sex is displayed in aesthetic and non vulgar way.

Sex is displayed in various forms in movies. It can be nudity, sex crimes, sex humor and love making. There may be connect with story or just inserted to add spice. It varies society to society what it calls normal, erotic or vulgar. Also significant factor is who is displaying sex on screen. A short scene by famous celebrity will create more buzz than major sex scene by unknown people. Mostly body doubles are used but to add spark cinema makers introduced unsimulated sex in which actors engage in actual sex acts.

Why sex in media is dangerous

Sex is not bad or harmful but it has produced some bad effect on society. Reasons are:

• Over exposure or excess even to the extent of irrelevant to theme
• Distortion as it is presented in over glamorized manner away from reality
• It comes to you when you are not searching for it
• Do not discriminate age, it is available to all

The research on how bad is the effect of sex in media on people especially children and adolescents tells about the magnitude of problem. Media itself is habit forming. Children and adolescents pick up messages influencing moral values and personality before it is properly developed. The result is:

• High risk behavior
• Teen pregnancy
• Sexually transmitted diseases
• Poor personality development
• Sex addiction and sex perversion
• Poor development of relationship skills
• Loss of purpose in life

To manage this, there must be comprehensive program:

• Laws and regulation to check misuse of media
• Reduce time spend with media to reasonable limits
• Replace with healthy hobbies
• Child protection system

Sex laws vary from place to place, and over time sexual acts which are prohibited by law in a jurisdiction are also called sex crimes. Sex crimes are forms of human sexual behavior that are crimes. Someone who commits one is said to be a sex offender. Some sex crimes are crimes of violence that involve sex.

Common sex crimes

Some of the common sex crimes are as follows:
• Rape
• Child sexual abuse
• Obscenity
• Human trafficking
• Incest between close relatives
• Telephone scatologia, making obscene telephone calls for the purpose of sexual arousal
• Sex with animals
• Sexual harassment
• prostitution

A variety of laws aim to protect children by making various acts with children a sex crime. For example, the “Corruption of Minors” by introducing age-inappropriate material, esp. of a sexual nature, is often a misdemeanor but can lead to a felony charge. These can include Age of Consent laws, laws preventing the exposure of children to pornography, laws making it a crime for a child to be involved in certain sexual behaviors, and laws against child grooming and the production and ownership of child pornography (sometimes including simulated images).
Criminal behavior demonstrates the offender’s ability to carry out his or her need to fulfill a fantasy. The criminal’s motives become an extension of their personality. At a crime scene, this is the signature by which the criminal defines his or her actions.

Depending on the jurisdiction, these crimes are often punishable with severe criminal penalties including life imprisonment or capital punishment in some jurisdictions.

• Novels
• Short Stories
• Poetry
• Memoirs
• Manuals

Some earlier noted literature is:

• Poem “A Ramble in St. James’s Park” by John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester
• English collections of erotic verse likePills to Purge Melancholy theRoxburghe Ballads, Bishop Percy’s Folio.
• Erotic poem – “An Essay on Woman” and “The Maid’s Prayer”.
• Scottish folk songs like The Merry Muses of Caledonia
• The Flogging Block “by Rufus Rodworthy
• “Phallus in Wonderland” and “The Pleasure of the Flesh” by Gavin Ewart

Erotic fiction

• “Dialogues of Luisa Sigea” by Nicholas Chorier
• Classic erotica “Satyricon” of Petronius Arbiter
• “Decameron” by Giovanni Boccaccio
• “The tale of two lovers” by Aeneas SylviusPiccolomini
• “I Modi” by Giulio Romano
• “Whore dialogue” by Artenio
• “L’Ecole des filles” translated as “The School of Venus” by Donald Thomas
• Chorier’s“Dialogues of Luisa Sigea”translated in many languages
• “Sodom” by Restoration Rake and john Wilmot
• Merryland books by Edmund Curll
• “Fanny Hill” by John Cleland
• “Les Bijoux Indiscrets” by Diderot
• “Laura’s Education” by Comte de Mirabeau
• “Index LibrorumProhibitorum”“CenturiaLibrorumAbsconditorum” and “Catena LibrorumTacendorum” by Henry Spencer Ashbee
• “Two nights of excess” by Alfred de Musset
• “Venus in furs” by Leopold von SacherMasoch
• “Suburban Souls” by Carrington
• “Sodopaideia” and “A weekend visit” by Anon
• “Helen and desire” by Alexander Trocchi
• “Lolita” by Vladimir Nabokov
• “50 Shades” by E L James

Other noted works

• “The Maiden Tribute of Modern Babylon” by W T Stead
• “The intimate adventures of a London Call Girl” by Belle de Jour

Erotic memoirs

“Histoire de ma vie” by Casanova

“The ups and downs of life” by Edward Sellon

“My life and loves” by Frank Harris

“Confessions and experiences” by Edith Cadivec

“One hundred strokes of the brush before bed” by Melissa Panarello

The Internet is altering patterns of social communication and interpersonal relationships. This is nowhere more truely than in the field of sexuality. Sex is the most frequently searched-for topic on the Internet. Among the various uses of the internet seeking sex and sexual partners has been one of its main services. There are teenagers who spend hours over the net to find sexual pleasure. The Internet is seductive and allows your imagination and dreams to take on a life of its own.

Internet has been used for a number of diverse activities surrounding sexually motivated behavior. These include the use of the Internet for seeking out sexually related material for educational use, buying or selling sexually related goods for further use offline, visiting or purchasing goods in online virtual sex shops, seeking out material for entertainment and masturbatory purposes for use online, seeking out sex therapists, and seeking out sexual partners for an enduring relationship. The most likely behaviors include the use of online pornography for masturbatory purposes, engaging in online relationships, and sexually related Internet crime (e.g., cyberstalking).

Internet has a great way of sharing information and knowledge bur it has also created a negative side to it. With sex over the net more and more children are involving into sexual activities. Incidents have been reported where adults have pretended as children over the internet and later created problems when they fixed meetings to commit crimes such as molestation, assault and even rape. Parents also do not like the idea about their children spending time over internet as they fear their children are being sexually abused.

Internet a Contributing Factor to Sex Addiction

In a study made in 2002, most people who have been assessed to be addicted to sex have been influenced by the Internet. For people with unique sexual desires, the internet provides them with enough material that is otherwise difficult or embarrassing to obtain through other ways. They are engaged in sexual activity online, irrespective of time and location, even if it harms their real life relationships. People addicted to sex find themselves spending endless hours online, looking at sexually explicit material. The sexual behavior affects their social life, adversely. They would not be able to concentrate at work, spend quality time with family or fulfill their hobby.

“A nymphomaniac is someone who has more sex than you do.” ~ Alfred Kinsey

“A promiscuous person is a person who is getting more sex than you are.” ~ Victor Lownes

“A student undergoing a word-association test was asked why a snowstorm put him in mind of sex. He replied frankly: ‘because everything does.'” ~ Honor Tracy

“Among men, sex sometimes results in intimacy; among women, intimacy sometimes results in sex.” ~ Barbara Cartland

“An intellectual is a person who’s found one thing that’s more interesting than sex.” ~ Aldous Huxley

“Anticipation makes the hard-on longer.” ~ Itsby Stevintary

“Be naughty–save Santa a trip. ~ Anon

“Chastity: The most unnatural of the sexual perversions.” ~ Aldous Huxley

“Desire is in men a hunger, in women only an appetite.” ~ Mignon McLaughlin

“Don’t knock masturbation–it’s sex with someone I love.”

“Don’t worry, it only seems kinky the first time. ~ Anon

“Familiarity breeds contempt–and children.” ~ Mark Twain

“For women the best aphrodisiacs are words. The G-spot is in the ears. He who looks for it below there is wasting his time.” ~ Isabel Allende

“Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.”

“He in a few minutes ravished this fair creature, or at least would have ravished her, if she had not, by a timely compliance, prevented him.” ~ Henry Fielding

“How lucky we are that we can reach our genitals instead of that spot on our back that itches.” ~ Flash Rosenberg

“I know nothing about sex, because I was always married.” ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor

“I once knew a woman who offered her honor
So I honored her offer
And all night long I was on her and off her.” ~ Anon

“I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce.” ~ J. Edgar Hoover

“I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.” ~ John Waters

“I think I could fall madly in bed with you.” ~ Anon

“I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them.” ~ Jay McInerney

“I’m all for bringing back the birch, but only between consenting adults.” ~ Gore Vidal

“I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.” ~ Rodney Dangerfield

“Is sex dirty? Only if it’s done right.”

“It is not economical to go to bed early to save the candles if the result is twins.” ~ Chinese Proverb

“I’ve been around so long, I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.” ~ Groucho Marx

“Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken.” ~ Anon

“Life in Lubbock, Texas taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you’re going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth, and you should save it for someone you love.” ~ Butch Hancock

“Literature is mostly about having sex and not much about having children; life is the other way around.” ~ David Lodge

“Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.”

“Masturbation: the primary sexual activity of mankind. In the nineteenth century it was a disease; in the twentieth, it’s a cure.” ~ Thomas Szasz

“Men are those creatures with two legs and eight hands.” ~ Jayne Mansfield

“Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?” ~Rita Rudner

“My brain: it’s my second favorite organ.”

“My father told me all about the birds and the bees–the liar. I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty-one” ~ Bob Hope

“My girlfriend said to me in bed last night: ‘you’re a pervert.’ I said, ‘That’s a big word for a girl of nine.'” ~ Emo Philips

“My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.”

“My reaction to porn films is as follows: After the first ten minutes, I want to go home and screw. After the first 20 minutes, I never want to screw again as long as I live.” ~Erica Jong

“My wife is a sex object–every time I ask for sex, she objects.” ~ Les Dawson

“Nothing risqué, nothing gained.” ~ Alexander Woollcott

“Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man.” ~ Mignon McLaughlin

“Obscenity is whatever gives the Judge an erection.” ~ Anon

“Pornography is in the loin of the beholder.” ~ Charles Rembar

“Pornography is literature designed to be read with one hand.” ~ Angela Lambert

“Pornography is supposed to arouse sexual desires. If pornography is a crime, when will they arrest makers of perfume?” ~ Richard Fleischer

“Pornography: That which excites, whether from approval or disapproval.” ~ Leonard Rossiter

“Remember, if you smoke after sex you’re doing it too fast.”

“Sex at age ninety is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.” ~ George Burns

“Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful–provided you get between the right man and the right woman.”

“Sex on television can’t hurt you, unless you fall off.” ~ Anon

“Sex relieves tension–love causes it.”

“Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it’s one of the best.”

“Sex. In America an obsession. In other parts of the world a fact.” ~ Marlene Dietrich

“Sex: the pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous, and the expense damnable.” ~ Lord Chesterfield

“Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.” ~ John Barrymore

“The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs less.” ~ Brendan Francis

“The difference between light and hard is that you can sleep with a light on.” ~ Anon

“The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.” ~ Gloria Leonard

“The good thing about masturbation is that you don’t have to get dressed up for it.” ~ Truman Capote

“The only thing wrong with being an atheist is that there’s nobody to talk to during an orgasm.” ~Anon

“There are three possible parts to a date, of which at least two must be offered: entertainment, food, and affection. It is customary to begin a series of dates with a great deal of entertainment, a moderate amount of food, and the merest suggestion of affection. As the amount of affection increases, the entertainment can be reduced proportionately. When the affection is the entertainment, we no longer call it dating. Under no circumstances can the food be omitted.” ~ Judith Martin, in Miss Manners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior

“There is nothing wrong with going to bed with someone of your own sex. People should be very free with sex–they should draw the line at goats.” ~ Elton John

“There’s nothing better than good sex. But bad sex? A peanut butter and jelly sandwich is better than bad sex.” ~ Billy Joel

“To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you’re impotent. She can’t wait to disprove it.” ~ Cary Grant

“Vanity, revenge, loneliness, boredom, all apply: lust is one of the least of the reasons for promiscuity.” ~ Mignon McLaughlin

“We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.” ~ Lily Tomlin

“Were kisses all the joys in bed,
One woman would another wed.” ~ William Shakespeare

“What’s the difference between art and pornography? . . . a government grant! ~ Peter Griffin

“What’s the three words you never want to hear while making love? ‘Honey, I’m home!'” ~ Ken Hammond

“When a guy goes to a hooker, he’s not paying her for sex, he’s paying her to leave.” ~ Anon

“When a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $3.95 a minute.” ~ Anon

“When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities.” ~ Matt Groening

“Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn’t! ~ George Bernard Shaw

“Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.” ~ Billy Crystal

“You know that look women get when they want sex? . . . Me neither.” ~ Steve Martin

According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.
Robert De Niro

Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.
Robin Williams

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
Aldous Huxley

Anybody who believes that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach flunked geography.  ~Robert Byrne, quoted in 1,911 Best Things Anybody Ever Said, 1988
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
Rodney Dangerfield

Did you ever notice the people who are most adamantly against abortions are people you wouldn’t want to fuck in the first place?
George Carlin

Don’t knock masturbation — it’s sex with someone I love.
Woody Allen

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
Woody Allen

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
Tom Clancy

Literature is mostly about having sex and not much about having children; life is the other way around.  ~David Lodge, The British Museum Is Falling Down, 1965

Masturbation:  the primary sexual activity of mankind.  In the nineteenth century it was a disease; in the twentieth, it’s a cure.  ~Thomas Szasz

We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.  ~Lily Tomlin

An intellectual is a person who’s found one thing that’s more interesting than sex.  ~Aldous Huxley

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs less.  ~Brendan Francis, Playboy, 1985

The art of procreation and the members employed therein are so repulsive, that if it were not for the beauty of the faces and the adornments of the actors and the pent-up impulse, nature would lose the human species.  ~Leonardo da Vinci

I know nothing about sex, because I was always married.  ~Zsa Zsa Gabor

Desire is in men a hunger, in women only an appetite.  ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960

The hypothalamus is one of the most important parts of the brain, involved in many kinds of motivation, among other functions.  The hypothalamus controls the “Four F’s”: fighting, fleeing, feeding, and mating.  ~Marvin Dunnette

Sex at age ninety is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.  ~George Burns

It is not sex that gives the pleasure, but the lover.  ~Marge Piercy

Sudden acquaintance brings repentance.  ~Thomas Fuller

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed.  The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the egg is frowning and looking put out.  The egg mutters to no one in particular, “I guess we answered that question.”  ~Author Unknown

Love is a matter of chemistry, but sex is a matter of physics.  ~Author Unknown

Sex got me into trouble from the age of fifteen:  I’m hoping that by the time I’m seventy I’ll straighten it out.  ~Harold Robbins

Nymphomaniac:  a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man.  ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960

Conservatives say teaching sex education in the public schools will promote promiscuity.  With our education system?  If we promote promiscuity the same way we promote math or science, they’ve got nothing to worry about.  ~Beverly Mickins

Nature abhors a virgin – a frozen asset.  ~Clare Boothe Luce

A widespread taste for pornography means that nature is alerting us to some threat of extinction.  ~J.G. Ballard, “News from the Sun,” Myths of the Near Future, 1982

You know, of course, that the Tasmanians, who never committed adultery, are now extinct.  ~W. Somerset Maugham, The Bread-Winner

Sex:  the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.  ~John Barrymore

It is not economical to go to bed early to save the candles if the result is twins.  ~Chinese Proverb

Chastity:  The most unnatural of the sexual perversions.  ~Aldous Huxley, Eyeless in Gaza, 1936

Obscenity is whatever gives the Judge an erection.  ~Author Unknown

The only thing wrong with being an atheist is that there’s nobody to talk to during an orgasm.  ~Author Unknown

Out upon it, I have lov’d
Three whole days together;
And am like to love three more,
If it prove fair weather.
~John Suckling

My sexual preference is often.  ~Author Unknown

Love ain’t nothing but sex misspelled.  ~Harlan Ellison

Being with a woman all night never hurt no professional baseball player.  It’s staying up all night looking for a woman that does him in.  ~Casey Stengel

Sex:  the pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous, and the expense damnable.  ~Lord Chesterfield

Virginity can be lost by a thought.  ~St. Jerome

The tragedy is when you’ve got sex in the head instead of down where it belongs.  ~D.H. Lawrence

Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen.  Women reach theirs at thirty-five.  Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?  ~Rita Rudner

Pornography is supposed to arouse sexual desires.  If pornography is a crime, when will they arrest makers of perfume?  ~Richard Fleischer

Kids in back seats cause accidents, accidents in back seats cause kids.  ~Author Unknown

Sex is the great amateur art.  The professional, male or female, is frowned on:  he or she misses the point, and spoils the show.  ~David Cort

The best contraceptive is a glass of cold water:  not before or after, but instead.  ~Author Unknown

Instruction in sex is as important as instruction in food; yet not only are our adolescents not taught the physiology of sex, but never warned that the strongest sexual attraction may exist between persons so incompatible in tastes and capacities that they could not endure living together for a week much less a lifetime.  ~George Bernard Shaw, Everybody’s Political What’s What, 1944

Were kisses all the joys in bed,
One woman would another wed.
~William Shakespeare, Sonnets to Sundry Notes of Music, IV

Having sex is like playing bridge.  If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.  ~Woody Allen

Isn’t it interesting how the sounds are the same for an awful nightmare and great sex?  ~From the television show The Golden Girls

Vanity, revenge, loneliness, boredom, all apply:  lust is one of the least of the reasons for promiscuity.  ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic’s Notebook, 1966

Don’t worry, it only seems kinky the first time.  ~Author Unknown

The reproduction of mankind is a great marvel and mystery.  Had God consulted me in the matter, I should have advised him to continue the generation of the species by fashioning them out of clay.  ~Martin Luther

I am always looking for meaningful one night stands.  ~Dudley Moore

Sex contains all,
Bodies, Souls, meanings, proofs, purities, delicacies, results, promulgations,
Songs, commands, health, pride, the maternal mystery, the seminal milk;
All hopes, benefactions, bestowals,
All the passions, loves, beauties, delights of the earth,
All the governments, judges, gods, follow’d persons of the earth,
These are contain’d in sex, as parts of itself, and justifications of itself.
~Walt Whitman, “A Woman Waits for Me”

When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky.  A woman already knows.  ~Frederike Ryder

Lust will curdle like milk if you don’t keep using it up.  ~Anonymous Voyeur

My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar – I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty-one.  ~Bob Hope

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?  ~Murray Banks

I once knew a woman who offered her honor
So I honored her offer
And all night long I was on her and off her.
~Author Unknown

Those who have prophesied dreadful consequences as a result of the greater sexual freedom which the young assert – unwanted babies, venereal disease and so on – are usually the very same people who seek the fulfillment of their prophecies by opposing the free availability to the young of contraception and the removal of the stigma and mystification that surround venereal disease.  ~Colin Ward, Anarchy in Action

Be naughty – save Santa a trip.  ~Author Unknown

To know the difference between erotica and pornography you must first know the difference between naked and nude.  ~Bernard Poulin

Don’t do it behind the garden gate.
Love is blind but the neighbors ain’t!
~Author Unknown

An erection is like the Theory of Relativity – the more you think about it, the harder it gets.  ~Author Unknown

Men are those creatures with two legs and eight hands.  ~Jayne Mansfield

I’m all for bringing back the birch, but only between consenting adults.  ~Gore Vidal

The difference between light and hard is that you can sleep with a light on.  ~Author Unknown

Older women are best because they always think they may be doing it for the last time.  ~Ian Fleming

Kinky is using a feather.  Perverted is using the whole chicken.  ~Author Unknown

I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them.  ~Jay McInerney

I’d like to meet the man who invented sex and see what he’s working on now.  ~Author Unknown

A student undergoing a word-association test was asked why a snowstorm put him in mind of sex.  He replied frankly:  “Because everything does.”  ~Honor Tracy

How lucky we are that we can reach our genitals instead of that spot on our back that itches.  ~Flash Rosenberg

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.  ~Gloria Leonard

Its avowed purpose is to excite sexual desire, which, I should have thought, is unnecessary in the case of the young, inconvenient in the case of the middle aged, and unseemly in the old.  Malcolm Muggeridge, on pornography, Tread Softly For You Tread On My Jokes, 1966

Playboy exploits sex the way Sports Illustrated exploits sports.  ~Hugh Hefner

Sex is interesting, but it’s not totally important.  I mean it’s not even as important (physically) as excretion.  A man can go seventy years without a piece of ass, but he can die in a week without a bowel movement.  ~Charles Bukowski, Notes on a Dirty Old Man

When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned.  Do not have sex with the authorities.  ~Matt Groening

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women.  Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.  ~P.J. O’Rourke

I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce.  ~J. Edgar Hoover, attributed

Pornography is the attempt to insult sex, to do dirt on it.  ~D.H. Lawrence

I’m not cheap, but I am on special this week.  ~Author Unknown

Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin – it’s the triumphant twang of a bedspring.  ~S.J. Perelman

A million million spermatozoa,
All of them alive:
Out of their cataclysm but one poor Noah
Dare hope to survive.
~Aldous Huxley

Sperm is a bandit in its pure state.  ~Emil Cioran

My wife is a sex object.  Every time I ask for sex, she objects.  ~Les Dawson

It doesn’t matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you don’t do it in the street and frighten the horses.  ~Mrs. Patrick Campbell

A woman occasionally is quite a serviceable substitute for masturbation.  ~Karl Kraus

During sex I fantasize that I’m someone else.  ~Richard Lewis

Never let the little head do the thinking for the big head.  ~Author unknown, advice to teenage boys, quoted in Friendly Advice compiled by Jon Winokur

Our love could change the orbit of the earth.  So, if a meteor ever comes hurtling towards earth with the guarantee of destruction, top scientists may call on us to, well, you know, do it like crazy for the sake of humankind.  ~Author Unknown

Nothing risqué, nothing gained.  ~Alexander Woollcott

Pornography tells lies about women.  But pornography tells the truth about men.  ~John Stoltenberg

To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you’re impotent.  She can’t wait to disprove it.  ~Cary Grant

My message to businessmen of this country when they go abroad on business is that there is one thing above all they can take with them to stop them catching AIDS, and that is the wife.  ~Edwina Currie, quoted in The Observer, 15 February 1987

The common thread that binds nearly all animal species seems to be that males are willing to abandon all sense and decorum, even to risk their lives, in the frantic quest for sex.  ~Randy Thornhill and Craig T. Palmer, A Natural History of Rape

Now, if groups like Moral Majority have their way, there won’t be any sex education at school, and our kids will be the dumbest in the world when it comes to sex…. But our parents are sexually retarded too…. Fear and primitive morals are creating a sexual pressure-cooker in this country and soon the top will blow…. Only in the U.S. do we find children drawing a picture of a baby coming from the clouds or from under a cabbage leaf. ~Floyd Martinson

Lord, grant me chastity and continence… but not yet.
St. Augustine

My family never raised me to have a vagina.
Roseanne

My girlfriend always laughs during sex –no matter what she’s reading.
Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
Jack Nicholson

Of the delights of this world man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven.
Mark Twain

One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other.
Jane Austen

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
Robin Williams

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
Woody Allen

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
George Burns

Sex concentrates on what is on the outside of the individual. It’s funny because I think it’s better inside.
Alex Walsh

Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant.
George Burns

The tragedy of sexual intercourse is the perpetual virginity of the soul.  ~William B. Yeats

Sex on television can’t hurt you unless you fall off.  ~Author Unknown

Flies spread disease – keep yours zipped.  ~Author Unknown

Remember, if you smoke after sex you’re doing it too fast.  ~Woody Allen

Don’t knock masturbation – it’s sex with someone I love.  ~Woody Allen

For the first time in history, sex is more dangerous than the cigarette afterward.  ~Jay Leno

Sex is not the answer.  Sex is the question.  “Yes” is the answer.  ~Swami X

Men get laid, but women get screwed.  ~Quentin Crisp

It is bad enough that people are dying of AIDS, but no one should die of ignorance.  ~Elizabeth Taylor

When a guy goes to a hooker, he’s not paying her for sex, he’s paying her to leave.  ~Author Unknown

A dirty book is rarely dusty.  ~Author Unknown

Sex.  In America an obsession.  In other parts of the world a fact.  ~Marlene Dietrich

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harassment.  When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $3.95 a minute.  ~Author Unknown

Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things:  One is that God loves you and you’re going to burn in hell.  The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love.  ~Butch Hancock

To hear many religious people talk, one would think God created the torso, head, legs and arms, but the devil slapped on the genitals.  ~Don Schrader

The best sex education for kids is when Daddy pats Mommy on the fanny when he comes home from work.  ~William H. Masters

There are three possible parts to a date, of which at least two must be offered:  entertainment, food, and affection.  It is customary to begin a series of dates with a great deal of entertainment, a moderate amount of food, and the merest suggestion of affection.  As the amount of affection increases, the entertainment can be reduced proportionately.  When the affection is the entertainment, we no longer call it dating.  Under no circumstances can the food be omitted.  ~Miss Manners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behaviour

No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.  ~Abraham Lincoln

My reaction to porn films is as follows:  After the first ten minutes, I want to go home and screw.  After the first 20 minutes, I never want to screw again as long as I live.  ~Erica Jong, Playboy Magazine, September 1975

Familiarity breeds contempt – and children.  ~Mark Twain, Notebooks, 1935

What is commonly called love, namely the desire of satisfying a voracious appetite with a certain quantity of delicate white human flesh.  ~Henry Fielding

Sex is God’s joke on human beings.  ~Bette Davis

Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.  ~Woody Allen

Against diseases here the strongest fence
Is the defensive vertue, Abstinence.
~Robert Herrick, “Abstinence”

Life without sex might be safer but it would be unbearably dull.  It is the sex instinct which makes women seem beautiful, which they are once in a blue moon, and men seem wise and brave, which they never are at all.  Throttle it, denaturalize it, take it away, and human existence would be reduced to the prosaic, laborious, boresome, imbecile level of life in an anthill.  ~Henry Louis Mencken

AIDS obliges people to think of sex as having, possibly, the direst consequences:  suicide.  Or murder.  ~Susan Sontag

There is nothing wrong with going to bed with someone of your own sex.  People should be very free with sex, they should draw the line at goats.  ~Elton John

There’s nothing better than good sex.  But bad sex?  A peanut butter and jelly sandwich is better than bad sex.  ~Billy Joel

The natural man has only two primal passions, to get and beget.  ~William Osler

The good thing about masturbation is that you don’t have to get dressed up for it.  ~Truman Capote

Sex relieves tension – love causes it.  ~Woody Allen

If you use the electric vibrator near water, you will come and go at the same time.  ~Louise Sammons

Men wake up aroused in the morning.  We can’t help it.  We just wake up and we want you.  And the women are thinking, “How can he want me the way I look in the morning?”  It’s because we can’t see you.  We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.  ~Sean Morey

I think I could fall madly in bed with you.  ~Author Unknown

Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.  ~Groucho Marx

Sex is emotion in motion.  ~Mae West

Love’s mysteries in souls do grow,
But yet the body is his book.
~John Donne, Extasy

Why should we take advice on sex from the pope?  If he knows anything about it, he shouldn’t!  ~George Bernard Shaw

I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.  ~John Waters

For women the best aphrodisiacs are words.  The G-spot is in the ears.  He who looks for it below there is wasting his time.  ~Isabel Allende

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it’s one of the best.  ~Woody Allen

Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful – provided you get between the right man and the right woman.  ~Woody Allen

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL.
Lynn Lavner

There’s a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what’s the problem?
Dustin Hoffman

There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men think, I know what I’m doing. Just show me somebody naked.
Jerry Seinfeld

When a man goes on a date, he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows.
Frederike Ryder

Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.
Roseanne

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships
Sharon Stone

Women need a reason to have sex Men just need a place.
Billy Crystal

You know “that look” women get when they want sex? Me neither.
Steve Martin

What is sexual abuse?

Any act of sexual nature in which a child is involved is sexual abuse. It can be with touch or without touch. One must understand that no sexual abuse is small. The impact is deep on the psyche of the child.

Sexual abuse involving touch:

• Any touch with sexual intent even fondling, kissing, hugging
• Making a child touch sexual organs
• Luring child to do oral sex
• Penetrating a child’s vagina or anus with penis or any object. It need not be full penetration, even the slightest is abuse.

Non touch sexual abuse:

• Indecent exposure or exhibitionism in front of a child
• Asking child to undress
• Exposing children to pornographic material
• Exposing a child to the acts of sex involving single person, couple or more

In addition sexual abuse can occur as sexual exploitation that includes:

• Engaging a child for the purposes of prostitution
• Film, photograph or model a child indecently or for pornography.

Effects of sexual abuse

The effects of sexual abuse are deep and far reaching. It destroys trust and creates feelings of guilt, shame, anger and insecurity. This can further extend to distortions in personality development, loss of self esteem, identity disorder and serious emotional problems like depression. The development of socialization gets affected and can lead to anti social behavior. It can also affect development of healthy sexuality and intimate relationships.

Identification of sexual abuse:

• Child narrates it
• Discovered by family member or other witness
• Emotional state of child
• STD or pregnancy of child

Indications in small children:

• Causeless crying
• Fear
• Nausea or Vomiting
• Loss of appetite
• Sleep problems

Indications in older children:

• Problems of sleep or eating
• Fear or stranger anxiety
• Nightmares
• Bed wetting
• Emotional disturbances
• Avoidance of family, friends or school
• Falling performance
• Depression or aggression

Safety measures:

• Keep your mind alert to potential abuse
• Do not leave small children alone or in untrustworthy company
• Children in group are safer
• Teach children about good and bad touch
• Teach child to say NO
• Teach child not to talk or take anything from strangers
• Keep eye on children and their behavior
• Do not reject their narration as trifles
• Communicate with child and spend time with them
• Select play schools, hobby classes, tutors carefully
• Select children carrying vans carefully
• Protect child on internet
• Tell child not to hide anything because of any threat
• Spread awareness about sexual abuse
• Do not hesitate in taking appropriate action

Treatment

• Reassure child
• Treat acute complaints
• Prevent recurrence
• Take help of child psychologist
• Long term counseling and therapy

Sexual harassment refers to bullying or harassment of a person of sexual nature like request for sexual favors, unwanted sexual advances, creating conditions with sexual intent or any other verbal or physical harassment of sexual nature. It ranges from mild advance to severe sexual assault. It can occur in home, school, college, place of work, religious place etc.

The victim

Victim can be a single person or many people. Usually victim is one on whom harasser can exert influence. It can be one time incident or repeated. Both males and females can be victims.

Who is the harasser?

Most of the harasser bully and take advantage of position and power. Harasser can be stranger, boss, coworker, guardian, teacher, friend, room mate, warden, guide or guru. Both males and females can be harasser.

Types of harassment:

Public harassment – Where harassment done on one or more in presence of others.

Private harassment – Where a restrained public image is maintained and in private it changes to harassment.

Types of harassers:

• Predatory harasser  – They seek prey and gets sexual thrills from humiliating the victim.
• Dominant harasser  – They harass the victim and get ego boost as reward.
• Strategic harasser – They design strategies to victimize. These are mostly private harasser.
• Territorial harasser- They have a territory like boss in office or teacher in class or warden in hostel. The victim feels no where to go and suffer.

Prevention of harassment

• Do not feel weak or helpless
• Prevent early
• Do not give ‘opportunity’
• Confident body language will keep them away
• Do not tolerate
• Raise voice
• Say clear and strong NO
• Attend workshops or help groups

Effect of sexual harassment

• Mild annoyance
• Stress and anger
• Insecurity and PTSD
• Guilt and shame
• Loss of trust
• Depression
• Social problems
• Falling performance
• Deteriorating personality
• Loss – financial, job, education
• Health problems
• Feeling of loss of honor
• Defamation of character
• Public humiliation
• Isolation in society
• Retaliation on making complaint

Management

• Gather yourself
• Support from family and friends
• Counseling and psychotherapy
• Stress management
• Support groups

Social networking sites are now part of life. These have become a mode of instant connect with people even strangers. With availability of laptops and smart phones, internet and social networking sites are now everywhere including classroom and bedroom. People share many things and are finding it easy to come up with inner feelings, needs, desires and choices. This makes such platforms just more than fertile for sex proliferation. And this is not only between intimate friends but also with absolute strangers.

How social networking sites are playing a part in human sexuality?

These are:

• Easy connect and access to others intimate feelings
• Getting ‘exposed’ to sexual world at early age
• Sharing thoughts, pictures, videos with direct or indirect sexual reference
• Creating fake profiles to indulge in all forms of sexual behavior without risk of social disrepute.
• Online or virtual stalking
• Connecting with and exploring possibility of sex with new people. These could be in own network, friends of friends, new friends and even unknown people.
• Staying in touch with ‘ex’
• Joining such groups which helps people to find new ‘like minded’ partners
• Online or Cyber Sex
• Sex workers and sex business is now active on such sites looking for clients
• Sex tourism

The debate

The debate is about role of social networking sites in

• Sexual crimes like abuse, harassment and rape
• Early sexual exposure
• Unhealthy and high risk sexual behavior
• Complicating relationships
• Sex business

Those who defend says that all this was present even before arrival of online sites and is also there among those who are not active on such sites.

Those critical says that such sites facilitates and motivates such behavior. Such sites are bad for young minds that learn such wrong things unchecked.

What can be done?

• Site owners must check illegal and indecent content
• Fake profiles must be checked
• Children must be made aware of caution on such sites
• Observe child’s activity and connections
• Add connections with caution
• Do not share indiscreetly
• Report abuse